16 months
71 weeks
12,000 hours
720,000 minutes
However you slice and dice it, 500 days is a pretty long time. It’s longer than I ever imagined I could go without drinking alcohol. Especially because I bloody love a drink.
I was raised in a pub garden by a woman who had an alcoholic dad, and a man who drinks every day. Alcohol has been a cornerstone of my life. Pubs and drinking have been my community. Me, 500 days ago, would have laughed in your face and had a panic attack if she thought her life would be alcohol-free for this long.
But here we are. Birthdays, Christmases, weddings, bank holidays, Friday nights, (in fact every night) gigs, afternoon teas, festivals, celebrations, commiserations every single one of those 500 days have passed and I’ve not touched a drop. That is WILD.
I’ve been asked many questions about it over the last 500 days. I see the shock, curiosity, disgust, and sometimes envy when I tell people I don’t drink. I realise my choice provokes a lot of emotions in others, it used to provoke me too. So 500 days deep, here’s a little Q&A for anyone who gives a fuck.
Why did you stop drinking?
Well, despite my family history, I’m not an alcoholic. I didn’t have a really bad night or do something horrific and HAVE to stop. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had many, many bad nights and done lots of horrific things over the years but none of those have led me to actually stop drinking. Peri-menopause has been the catalyst. I physically can’t drink anymore. The hangovers got too bad and it wasn’t worth it. I have no doubt that if I could physically get away with drinking, I would still be doing it. Luckily my body called time and my mind is grateful.
How do you feel?
For the first couple of months, I didn’t feel good. It’s probably why I’d tried and failed to make it past a few weeks at a time previously. Thanks go to Ryan Bachman who was doing the 75 hard challenge and told me he started feeling better after 6 weeks. That gave me a reason to try it again and something to aim for.
You’ll be unsuprised to hear that 500 days on, I feel heaps better. To be clear, I didn’t lose a load of weight, feel super energised, and have glowing skin and sparkly eyes when I cut out alcohol. Instagram promised me these things and reality didn’t deliver. The one thing that the sober influencers did promise that actually happened for me is a massive reduction in anxiety. My mood is far more stable and I don’t have the massive highs and lows. I do, however, feel everything without the mask of the high of booze or the low of a hangover. I’m not suddenly 100% anxiety and depression-free but when I do experience those times, I understand the triggers and I can generally process them better and faster.
Full transparency I feel more tired now. I can’t stay up as late. I’m not drinking the sugary caffine laden mixers that kept me going and I now notice if I drink anything other than water (which has always been my only non-alcoholic drink of choice) I buzz my tits off.
Are there any benefits to being alcohol-free?
I mentioned the reduction of anxiety which for me is reason enough not to drink again but there are other great things about it too. I am more productive – not in a capitalism’s bitch kinda way, in a I can get up on a Saturday morning and actually go to and enjoy yoga kind of way. I feel like I want to do more things and I have the time and motivation to go and do stuff that I wouldn’t have done because it didn’t involve booze or meant I had to drive.
My brain has re-set itself and now even tiny things bring me joy. I can’t tell you the dopamine hit I get when I look at a flower that I grew in my garden. When I was drinking, it would have been a nice thing but the reward centers in my brain wouldn’t have been fired up by the flower.
I also feel clear. I know what I enjoy, I know who I like to be around, I know when I’ve had enough. I don’t feel as confused. It’s easier to look after myself. I can stick to eating better, I’m in a routine with movement, I don’t stay in places or around people that make me feel unsafe. The drudge of day-to-day life feels easier.
Do you hate being around people who are drinking?
No! I’ve got no problem with it and I still absolutely love pubs. In fact, get lit! Have shots, do what you like. I’m not a snobby born-again sober person. I’ve had great times over the years and drinking isn’t all bad. It’s not for me anymore but I don’t think anyone else should quit or feel self-conscious drinking around me. That’s another thing – I’m not counting your drinks. I always felt like I was being judged by sober people but trust me when I tell you I don’t give a fuck if that’s your 6th large glass of savvy b. Do your thing!
Will you ever drink again?
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say categorically that I’m never drinking again. It feels like a dangerous promise to make because I know myself and if I said it, the rebel in me would probably go and get fucked up just to spite myself. Without wanting to sound too 12-steppy, I’m taking it one day at a time.
There you go and there you have it. 500 days down baby. If you’ve got any questions, let me know. I’m not an expert but I’m happy to talk from my own experience. If you are sober curious, all I’d say is I’ve never met a sober person who regrets giving up drinking. And if you don’t like sobriety, you can always have a beer. No pressure.
Special thanks to Jenny Hart, Geniene Sammons and Jimmy Watkins who are my sober-spirations.
